The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain’t seen nothing like me yet
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love- Garth Brooks, “To Make You Feel My Love”
This past week during the 40 Days to Miracles challenge Mai Vu courageously started as a Facebook and tele-session group, we talked about receiving and rejecting.
At the same time, I’ve been putting together my portfolio for the Master of Arts in Expressive Arts Therapy at Prescott College. One piece that was a part of my drama expressive therapy submission was about a skit I did in high school about a wall.
“The Stone Wall” was, back then, about peer pressure and building a wall around myself so that no one could get in and I couldn’t get out…When I started high school, I remember being afraid to look at the other kids going the other way down the hall, hundreds of us trying to get to class on time.
I’d put on a blank stare every morning and walk down the hall with the same person I walked down the hall with from the very first day.
He was a friendly face, but that first day of my freshman year, he just happened to break the ice with me.
It was automatic.
It was routine.
I can’t even remember his name.
It was this way because I wasn’t present for my life.
When I gave “The Stone Wall” presentation, I presented it to a group of middle schoolers that were attending a retreat at St. Piux X, the catholic church I went to with my Mom. I was part of the leadership for that weekend.
The opening was me stacking blocks around myself in a circle.
Boarded up.
No light from the stage coming through.
Then, I broke down the bricks and destroyed the wall.
That’s when I went into the story I had to tell about peer pressure, drugs, alcohol and trying to fit in with kids at school by doing things that weren’t in alignment with who I really was.
And all of those things were like walls of their own. They kept my true self from coming out. I covered myself up trying to fit in.
“The Stone Wall” helped one person in the crowd. I kept the letter he wrote all these years. I also kept the two that came from two friends of mine that were also there on leadership during the weekend, supporting and encouraging me.
Knocking Down the Barriers
“The Stone Wall” was a physical interpretation of a real, invisible barrier that was put up by myself to keep others out.The reason? Pain.
The pain for me was that I didn’t feel good enough.
There’s several reasons for that feeling that had come through events that happened in my past. At the time, I didn’t realize what the reason was that I had put up the wall.
I kept asking myself, “Why?”
Why couldn’t I get past this?
Why couldn’t I just open up to people?
Why couldn’t I just walk up to someone and talk to them?
Asking “why” questions gets you nowhere.
They keep your mind twisting around and around, going in the same direction. If you look at how they’re phrased, they’re really beating myself up.
Why couldn’t I get past this?… is the same as what’s wrong with me?
Why couldn’t I just open up to people? and Why couldn’t I just walk up to someone and talk to them?… this was picking on myself for being an introvert, something I discovered the meaning of later in life. It also beat myself up for enjoying one-on-one conversations for a long time to truly connect with someone.
All of those strengths I now realize are my strengths.
Understanding myself better was key to knocking down barriers. Once I knew who I was and how I acted in situations, I could use those strengths to my advantage and to adjust when needed.
Receiving Love
This song by Garth Brooks reminds me of how God loves us and is in constant communication with us all day every day.
He calls to us to change our perspective any time we feel that He doesn’t love us. It’s when we are aware of what He’s put on our hearts to want that we realize He’s already working on it.
As soon as we are aware we’re covering up and we’re in pain, we can ask for love and learn to receive it.
Puppy love or cat love or maybe even bird love if you need an animal companion.
Love for others.
Love from others for yourself.
However that love looks to you, He’s put it on your heart to ask for it.
If you’re feeling pain around love, then know that pain means that God has something great planned for you because you know and He knows that you’re meant for so much better in this lifetime.
Pain is just yourself rejecting what has come to you because it truly wasn’t right for you.
It may take some time to receive love.
I started this miracle challenge by writing down what I’ve noticed from everyday miracles in my life. I found that the more I spent time outside and around people or in communication with people, I’d have more miracles.
I suppose you could say that miracles are a conversation. God is always present and He guides our awareness to see them.
Through the journal I’ve been keeping, I’ve become more aware of miracles in my life.
No, I haven’t won the lottery… but, there are other miracles that have happened and most of them are an internal shift on my part, a new way of seeing/feeling/grasping things.
It’s when I’m open to receiving these miracles by listening when God shows them to me, that I receive them. They’re a gift of love.
Rejecting Love
There’s some love that you can feel free to reject.
This is love that is love to another person, but doesn’t equal your own view of love. Pay attention to this when you see it!
Your version of love may be radically different from the other person’s. Sometimes a person will begin to match our version of love, but then reverts back to their way of love. Have you ever noticed this before in relationships?
If you have, then you’ve gained the lesson. Use this lesson as a guide for the next person that comes your way. And also use the lesson as a map to write down exactly what you want from the right person.
If you imagine this, that right person is out there right now waiting for you…
Know what you need in love to know the right person for you.
If you haven’t noticed this in relationships, then maybe it’s time to look at past relationships and write about them. What was that last relationship like that you didn’t like? What caused the breakup?
Then ask: What’s the lesson here?
I guarantee God will give you the answer.
Receiving Love for Yourself
I’ve recently had the pleasure to connect with several people across the world to help them with discovering God’s pure love for them. I love helping people see how they can easily lift their spirits by nurturing things around them.
Whether it’s a dog, a cat, a goldfish, or a plant, by nurturing things around you and providing for them, you give to yourself.
It’s a quick, easy way to let love into yourself.
So try it and let me know how it goes for you.
Have questions about receiving and rejecting love? Leave me a comment or email me and let me know what’s on your mind.
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